I had a very interesting deja vu experience this morning. I had something happen this morning that was almost identical to something that happened last night. And yet, the two events felt completely different. Yesterday, it felt like the end of the world; today, I couldn't have cared less. The change? Yesterday I was feeling more rotten than I've felt in a really long time. I've experienced things like this before, but it has always been fascinating to me how much pain and/or illness can make the simplest of irritating events become the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Here's what happened:
Yesterday evening, I was waiting for the bus to take me home after a long and exhausting day at school. I was tired and hungry, and I had been in pain for most of the day. When the bus arrived, I breathed a sigh of relief and opened my purse so I could pull out my bus pass. But I couldn't find it. When it wasn't in my wallet, I didn't panic right at first, because often I just stick it in my purse after using it without actually putting it away. But I searched my entire purse, and it wasn't there. So I had to watch while the bus left without me. Then I had to figure out where my bus pass was. I decided to empty my purse just to make sure; if it wasn't there, I was going to have to start searching campus to find out where I'd left it. When I set my purse down and completely emptied it, I found my bus pass lying right at the bottom, hiding under my hand mirror. Really?! So I had missed my bus for nothing. And this was later in the evening, when the buses only run every half hour. So I had to wait another half hour (more like forty minutes, since the next bus was late) to get home. Had I not been so tired and in pain, I probably would have cried. As it was, I was too tired to do even that. So I just sat there numbly, wishing I could be home.
Now, fast forward to this morning. I was waiting for the bus to take me to school, and when I saw it coming around the corner, I started looking for my bus pass. And I couldn't find it again! REALLY?! This time, I didn't want to wait for the next bus to come, so I just pulled out my wallet and paid the silly fare to just get me to school. Then it occurred to me that I might have actually left my bus pass in my apartment (since I came home in such a state of disarray last night that I might have just dropped it somewhere when I got home), which would mean I'd have to pay the fare again in the afternoon to get home. Great. But before I resigned myself to that fate I decided to search my black hole of a purse to make sure I hadn't pulled the same stunt I'd pulled yesterday. Sure enough, I found my bus pass, sitting in almost the same spot as before. Excellent. It was pretty funny, because I had been sitting with a friend in my ward, and so as I'd been searching for my pass, I'd told her my story from yesterday. When I found my bus pass, she groaned in sympathy for my having to pay the fare when I hadn't needed to; what was really funny was that the bus driver had overheard me telling my story to my friend, and when she found out my bus pass had been in my purse all along, she felt so bad! She said she'd have given me a complimentary token if she'd had one. But my reaction was completely opposite from yesterday. I just laughed. What were the odds that I would have the same thing happen to me twice in a row? Normally I would be really ticked that I'd had to pay $2.25 for no reason, but I'm just happy that I don't have to pay it again to get home this afternoon, and I'm just happy to be feeling better. It really is amazing how much pain can affect a person's disposition.
So, if you're ever talking to me, and I seem particularly distracted (like more so than usual :)) or I say something grumpy or rude (I really hope it doesn't go that far), I apologize in advance. More likely than not, it's because I'm in pain and trying not to show it. I can never guarantee what I will say or do in that state, since apparently pain is the bringer of polar opposites. You have been warned. ;)